134. In the middle of my rom-com era
I was catching up with a familiar face the other day, my one week ex bf. I know that he was a little bit dim, but after reconnecting with him after a couple months, it was okay. He had his "dating hiatus and focusing on himself" time, so I couldn't help but be actually pretty proud of him. He is quite charming, but I don't think an actual relationship is in the cards for us (due to many different factors that we talked about). However, we have become pretty good friends these days. Even though it was for one week, we've actually mutually agreed that we considered ourselves as "exes" and I find it really hilarious. He shared that if he was in a circle of friends and they say, "show your exes." I would be presented in the "hall of fame" of past lovers.
We share a lot about our dating mishaps and misadventures. I was walking down the street, getting some errands done, when OWEB (one week ex bf) called me up and wanted to talk about the latest date he went on. Apparently, she was a goth girl and I was thrilled to hear about this.
I was telling him about the latest drama happening that involves my romantic life and it's actually quite a roller coaster. Since I last spoke about my current thoughts about love last year, it seems like my opinions remain unchanged, but this time- I've jumped back into the pool and have been making big waves, if I do say so myself.
Ever since we closed the chapter on the German Guy, I've been a little bit sad, but I wasn't really looking for anything. Then came along another gentleman. I was actually very hesitant to write about him because I didn't want to press my luck... I actually wanted to preserve some mystery and privacy because he seemed like a good guy to me, or, you know,
so I thought.
--
He just moved into the city, just like me, but he's a little bit more of an explorer. We got along pretty well, after going on two climbing outings and a rather emotional Malaysian movie (where we both cried together!). I thought that I made a new friend and I was really happy. I couldn't help but feel a bit of a lingering romantic tension between us, but I dared not to pursue it, until one Saturday night.
He's really into Latin ballroom dancing and I was so charmed. I love dancing salsa and bachata as well. I was with my friends on a pub crawl and was influenced by the liquid courage. So I hauled my ass over to the Latin bar and had my "Step Up" dance moment with this man. He invited me back to his place and I was pretty hesitant. He just leaned over to me and said,
"You really couldn't tell that I was interested in you? The chemistry is undeniable. Let's see how this goes."
So we hung out the next day, watching a really old French movie that actually wasn't that good. I thought it was going pretty great and that he was really keen on me.
"Kayla, I understand your hesitation... Why would you trust the French?" he was referring to himself. I have many French friends and had dated a man from Bretagne before... but I guess it's a bit different now?
--
It was a really nice couple of weeks, but he got a bit bored. His texts got shorter and less frequent. His days got more preoccupied with more people and parties to go to. I think he lost some interest in me after I complained to him that he cancelled our last 2 meetings at the last minute because "something cooler came up." I was a bit miffed and gave him a piece of my mind via phone call, but was met with a:
"I think you're a bit too intense about this. I'm just doing different things and exploring the city. Shouldn't you do that too?"
I immediately went into aggressive negotiation mode and then hung up with my head down. 6 hours later, I left him an apology voice message and all he gave me was a "Don't worry about it" and a ghosting. I really haven't received any texts from him, but it's been 4 days.
He still watches my instagram stories unfortunately. I wish that he would hit me back up, but what good use is that? I'll just be met with more non-commitment and confusion. I really did like him and we had many things in common. Also, I couldn't help be project something with him, even though he told me honestly that it wasn't super serious at the moment. In my opinion, I thought that he was pretty intense in the first week of our "courtship" when he held my hand around the city and went shopping for home goods stuff with me the other day...
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I was a bit sad when we had an actual conversation together when it was just the two of us after we went climbing last week. After hearing his comment of:
"I'm currently not seeing anybody else, but I'm doing all of these activities with lots of people... If an opportunity comes along, I wouldn't deny it."
I felt a little confused when he said that. I know that it's very early, so maybe putting all my eggs in one basket isn't the best thing to do, at least without insurance. I actually initiated a no-contact phase with the German Guy... but I realized that was it a bad thing and back-tracked immediately.
So that night, I explained that I wasn't really seeing anyone else at the moment and went on to say what I was "looking for", as in, "I am having lots of fun right now, but eventually I'd like a consistent thing"
After that, I told him: "You can sample all of the breakfast buffet, but don't be surprised if the omelette station has to close for lunch." I was hoping that maybe he could see that I don't like games...
"Oh wow Kayla, that's a good metaphor 😃"
--
After me getting mad at him for flaking on me once again, I wasn't sure if he deleted my contact. It's so embarrassing that I felt really sad and hung up about a guy who wasn't really keen on planning something with me. Who really knows at this point? I don't really want to wait for him, yet I see some potential in this relationship if he shapes up. I don't think I'm that desperate, but I think I believe in second chances?
I was a little upset about this French Fantôme, so I went climbing. While I was at the gym, a friend messaged me to go out to the pub again. It was going to be an outing with an American girl that we met at the last pub crawl, and it was her last night out before she headed over to Bangkok.
I initially declined because I didn't think that I was going to be in a good mood around strangers, but I mustered up the courage. I took the train over and walked over to the Claypot Chinese restaurant and vented my frustrations over fried rice and soy sauce sting ray.
--
We actually went for a tiny pub crawl around Chinatown. After our dinner, we hopped over to the former brothel-speakeasy. I got immediately sloshed by this giant cylindrical container of cocktail. It was very easy to get some chisme out of me.
We made our way over to our friend's bar. I met three guys the other night on Saturday, but couldn't get any of their contacts before my group left. I actually found them again and they were really happy that I came.
In that group of three guys, there was a Filipino-American fellow that took a great interest in me because I was also "half-Filipina and a toxic bestie," a proud description provided by my new buddy. He and his two friends were happy to make conversation with me. His immediate comment over to me was,
"I'm seeing this guy tonight and I'm super down, but it might not be the best idea..." and we went on a problem-solving discussion involving the logistics of his potential hook-up.
After a while, I lamented over my ghosting situation. I had a firm pat on the shoulders and watched as a very caring look spread across his face.
"Oh honey... he'll be back. Wait till he gets traumatized first and then he'll miss how good he had it with you."
He isn't cultivating some kind of blind optimism in me, but maybe just a radical hope.
Then I got a text from the German Guy.
--
GG is currently in Phuket, Thailand. He just finished his diving and Full-Moon Party festivities and is in dire need of something calm. I was really relieved to hear from him. He was really keen on me, but due to circumstance, it's nearly impossible to promise anything.
"It's funny," He told me, "If we had talked one day earlier then I might have done something differently." Apparently, I was one day too late because he just booked his bus ticket from Thailand to Laos/Cambodia. He was going north, but I truly wanted him to travel south instead.
Oh unlucky me.
My friend from Peru messaged me the other day because I kept spamming him messages about how complicated my love life is. He really told me,
"You know those rom coms where the main girl fails and fails with dating, but at the end she gets the dream wedding?"
He has a lot of hope for me too, to be honest. I think I see his vision. I was played by this French guy, this German guy is potentially returning back? I still keep in touch with OWEB, but we remained friends and give each other some advice since we're both part of the "down bad support group." I'm a young single girl, living in the big city with a blog? There's so much material for a screenplay here. It's my life and yeah, I guess it does feel like a movie sometimes. I just want to have something consistent at this point.
But honestly, I'm having just a bit of fun. I've been protecting my heart too much and giving it up for a single guy. I'm getting burn-out and I obviously need a "hoe-tation" because my "one-tation" really isn't working out.
~ your fun-loving gal,
<3 K