my thoughts are marbles, roll with me

92. What I learned from my one week long romantic speedrun

I had a boyfriend one for week. Literally just one week. We officially got together on Sunday and we broke up the next Sunday. It's a bit of an unorthodox situation given the circumstances, but looking back at it I think it certainly is a hilarious, very on-brand story. (I didn't expect to have a one week long relationship, but that's just how life goes.)

In September, I wrote about me being on a bunch of different social/dating apps and didn't really go as far as just talking to a bunch of random people. Around the end of August/beginning of September, I felt like maybe I didn't take this "dating and getting to know people" as seriously because:

  1. I didn't really know how it worked at first? I think I looked at people's pictures and read their answers for certain prompts and then liked their prompts. That was basically it. I also chatted with a bunch of people, but it was very difficult to keep track of who is who...
  2. For a couple of the people I talked to, (honestly, if they replied to me) I gave them my instagram meme account handle and they immediately followed me.
  3. I immediately deleted all of my profiles in these dating apps after a couple days, which actually deletes all of the chats I had with people. A lot of people were asking me, "hey did you unmatch me?" ...I don't know how to unmatch people.

To be completely honest, I wasn't really looking for a relationship, since I was leaving the city pretty soon. It really was an experiment in vulnerability.

There was this one persistent guy that kept trying to message me and wanted to get to know me. I wasn't sure if he even remembered what I looked like (my picture on my meme account is a white cat texting), but I was thinking that he seemed bored and wanted to pass the time. Lucky for him- I guess I also wanted to pass the time until my departure...

He kept messaging me. Asking about biking, playing chess with me, I even told him about different relationship issues I had in the past… I didn’t mind the chit chat at all. But he seemed keen to see me for some reason. I gave him an excuse every time he tried to set up a meeting with me.

”I don’t think we’d work out… uh… we have too similar names.” (We had the same nickname - Kale, Kayl, or Kayls as my friends call me sometimes)

Looking back, that was such a bullshit excuse, yet it was so hilarious. I thought about it for a while and it made me realize that maybe I’m just being an asshole to him at this point. I felt a little bad.

my thoughts are marbles, roll with me

I was free that Friday night. He suggested some place in downtown, which had all these board games to play. I thought it would be a nice outing. I didn’t have any plans, so I didn’t mind biking down the road and having a drink with a stranger. It couldn’t hurt to just go and maybe after... he could just leave me alone?

--

We met at that brewery down the street from my place. It was packed with families, dogs, and local townies. I sat there with my stout (it tasted a little icky) and waited for him to show up. Before we met up, I clarified that this wasn’t a date, it just couldn’t be… I was leaving town next week and simply couldn’t promise a relationship. Nerves set in, of course. I haven’t really gone out with someone in a long time, so I felt a little bit of anxiousness. I understood that it wasn't a romantic situation at first, but I still was a little nervous.

He approached my table and we saw each other for the first time. He was very handsome and looked like George Michael from Wham! and I was actually a little anxious. We had a nice time chatting, playing chess, trying to get to know one another. It was a weird situation we're in actually. I didn't think he would be willing to invest in a new friend for one week now. He invited me back to his place to sit in his backyard and continue our conversation for even longer. I brought over ice cream and red wine. I went through the front door and was greeted by the household cat.

"Oh uh, I'm um, a bit allergic to cats.", I said sheepishly. I briefly recalled a memory as I stared as his large cat. I didn't think I was super allergic to cats, but a couple of years ago, I went over a classmate's house. She owned six cats. My eyes were watering and I was just coughing all over the place. Ever since that, I take a bit of caution whenever I meet a cat, but I can't help but give them a little pet.

We retreated to the backyard where he lit up the fireplace. He was very charming and I was very impressed. I told him that I haven't watched the night sky in a while. We stared up at the sky for a while in silence. The atmosphere was overwhelmingly romantic, and it was really wonderful to see, but I was still overly nervous about this situation. Multiple times, I rejected his physical touches. I just felt a bit weird about it, and he understood. Okay, well, I actually grimaced when he tried to tuck my hair behind my left ear. He promptly told me, "well now I feel like shit."

He took me home. I didn't think it was super awkward, but I felt the discomfort and fatigue, and so did he. At least I think he did. We bid our farewells and good lucks to each other, thinking that we would probably never see each other again.

Anyway, I asked him to hang out with me at the comic book shop in downtown. It was raining and his plans were cancelled, so he agreed to pass the time with me again. I was going to be gone in a week, so I didn't mind the company in the meantime. We spent a good hour looking at different dusty dvd's of classic movies and talking about which sci-fi films were the best. I tried to put him on Stargate SG-1, the series. He was a very staunch Star Wars advocate.

We went to a very mid restaurant that specialized in dumplings and spent the evening walking around under an umbrella. I gave into the romantic aspect and let him put his arm around me. It was innocent enough. Afterwards, we watched Pan's Labyrinth and I felt a little bit more comfortable around him.

"Hey, why don't I be your boyfriend for the week? How does that sound?" he asked me after we shared a kiss. I kind of looked at him in disbelief. I didn't think he would want that, but he offered, of course.

"Why not?" I laughed out loud. A week long romance seemed interesting. Unfortunately, we don't have the luxury of time... I didn't want to force conversation at all, so I tried not to push a lot of talking. He was really keen on the boyfriend/girlfriend idea. He insisted I lean more into it. We planned an official dinner date Friday evening. Sushi.

"Please don't ghost me!" he pleaded, right before I got home. I was worried he might actually ghost me?

So we started officially dating on Sunday evening. Our relationship has an expiration date (I mean, I guess everyone's relationship has an expiration date. This one is pretty imminent).

--

Monday passed, I didn't really hear from him. He was bored at work and told me that I should bother him during the day, so I sent him a couple of messages, but nothing really special of the sort. I kinda said something along the lines of, "No good morning baby or good night texts alright? Enough of that...". But there was a part of me that wanted something cheesy and cutesy. In all honesty, I really didn't mind if I received something like that. However, I was busy. No time for kiddy nonsense like that.

--

Tuesday passed. I messaged him long messages about different songs I liked and backstory on why I liked them. I think he enjoyed these texts, but then he got annoyed quickly and insisted that I have a spotify playlist to share instead. I made a collaborative one called "romantic speedrun". I don't think, at the time, he thought it was as funny as I did...

--

Wednesday passed. I wanted to ask if he was available to have a quick dinner? (We had talked about our top 3 favorite meals.) Wings was on the menu. He picked me up after I visited the climbing gym (I really wished he watched me climb a bit, but we were running late on time). We sat at the restaurant, ate a bunch of wings, and tried to get to know each other just a teensy bit more. He had to stop the evening early because his housemates had a weekly chat meeting that he had to participate in.

"Are you going to mention me?" I asked him as I sat in the passenger side of his truck. I mean, technically I was his official de jure girlfriend. His first girlfriend of 2023, according to him.

"Oh yeah, of course. I think they should know about us, right?" He was laughing about how ridiculous and ephemeral our short-lived romance is.

"Well, I hope all good things then." I said, before closing the car door.

--

Thursday passed. I think we were a little bit more comfortable with each other? We called each other pet names and it flowed naturally. It was funny to lean into this, just for the moment. I had told him that I learned a lot of things while in this hasty relationship.

"After not really pursuing anyone of interest and putting off dating for a while, I realize that maybe I am ready for a deep and meaningful relationship again." I said to him, "I actually looked more inward and learned a lot from this experience we shared and you helped me with that, even though we didn't really do much... But thank you."

"Wow, that's actually one of the nicest things someone has ever said to me." after taking a long drag from his vape, "Can't wait for Friday then, huh?"

--

Finally, Friday happened. I got ready for an official date, so I went all out with the fashion and make-up. It was a bit chilly, so I put on a long-sleeved cream-colored dressed with boots and my brother's leather jacket. I was a bit giddy and excited to be wined and dined actually! I haven't had that in while. I waited in front of the sushi place for a bit before he showed up. He dressed very sharp, a sweater vest and a collared shirt and slacks.

I ordered a bunch of salmon dishes and he got a roll with cream cheese in it. I told him how unusual it is to put a lot of cream cheese in Japanese dishes and he's like, "Unusual? Just like us, huh?" we chuckled.

--

The night went alright, well, until he trauma-dumped his past romantic history on me. I felt a mix of pain, distress, bewilderment, and honestly, just pity. Even after we took care of the bill, we continued his stories. I bought him ice cream during his story-time.

They were extremely engrossing stories, yet I couldn't help but wonder why he insisted on having a relationship with me. Is it possibly because he ultimately yearned for companionship, just someone pleasant (or present) to pass the time with? Frankly, as the week went on, I thought it was going to be a more of a physical relationship, but it turned out to be, quite frankly, an extremely emotional (crutch) one. I didn't really mind... Maybe this is callous and apathetic of me to say, but we did have an expiration date.

He apologized after he finished his stories. "I don't usually tell a girl this after the 4th date, but we're pushed for time, right?" Okay. That was funny looking back, but at the moment, I just didn't laugh.

--

I made him watch Jennifer's Body. It was a great campy film. Afterwards, I was overcome by a powerful sense of attraction and desire. Except, my wishes were never fulfilled. Frankly, they were actually quickly rejected and we had a bit of an argument right after. I was thoroughly disappointed. I think this is just punishment on me being a tad slutty.

We had breakfast together the next day. I wanted to talk to him about last night, but he was feeling uncomfortable and didn't budge.

"Your friends probably think I'm a big loser now right?" He said timidly.

"No... of course not." I reassured him with a quick white lie about how the post-date briefing will go with all of my friends. We had a bit of a disagreement last night. Of course my friends are going to take my side and call him one of the biggest losers I have ever dated.

"Well, what about your roommates?" I asked him, "Are you going to say anything to them?"

"Oh pfft. I'm going to lie about this." He says, "I can't face the consequences."

Yeah, the big loser part is correct. First of all, why? Second of all, what consequences? I was taken aback by his response.

I was super confused, but also was thinking: why should I care?. We never hooked up, but why would he just lie about it? Is it really that important to fabricate something in order to confirm us hanging out? I mean, this relationship certainly isn't really a long-term thing, but I felt a little bit miffed. I don't know, man. It's just a bit icky to me knowing that he needs that kind of "legitimacy" or something like that. I'm not some kind of achievement.

"I am so disappointed in you." Breakfast didn't taste as good after he said that. He apologized again.

While driving, he was chuckling to himself, a little nervously.

"You know our waitress? I was actually seeing her back in March. I don't know if she remembers me...? Anyway, she broke it off. She didn't want to be with me."

Great. This was a fantastic thing to hear after breakfast. Honestly, I truly didn't feel anything seriously romantic or loving affection towards this one-week long relationship, but it still kinda hurts to hear this little nugget of information. I also thought I lost my wallet at breakfast place, so I had to ring up the restaurant and talk to the waitress again.

"Oh you were sitting by the door next to the guy right? Yeah I remember you two..." Yeah, she definitely still remembered him. Yikes.

--

I didn't really want to talk to him after that day, but he insisted on hanging out the next day, before I leave for my flight. He also insisted on dropping me off at airport.

You see, I had plans to catch the train early in the morning, but he really wanted me to miss my commute to spend more time with him. I was a bit upset with him after thinking about what had happened the night before, but ultimately I agreed to spend the day with him after all, except I'm not missing my train.

Catching the train at 6:30 in the morning was actually pretty nice. I felt the cool morning air before the sun woke up and huddled up in a sweatshirt with the other passengers. I stopped at Berkeley and parked myself in a coffee shop, before the man was supposed to meet up with me. I sat myself by the window, trying to map out the day in my mind before he got here.

I bought him a Black Tie coffee before he arrived. Honestly, I wanted to discuss about how a lot of the things he said to me ... just wasn't cool. I was the de jure girlfriend, right? The conversation went well and it was actually quite lovely. We walked to the seashore and admired the boats and bay.

We were in the Bay Area and played tourists for the day. It was actually a fun time going to the museum, beer garden, and walking around the city for the day. We sat in the park with a couple of drinks at a metal table. We talked about how we felt about one another.

"You know," he said to me, "I really like how you listen to me. There are things that I said to you a couple days ago and you think about your answer and answer me with an in-depth analysis about it. It's really nice to hear you say such cool things" I was flattered.

One of the things we talked about before I left was the hypothetical situation on whether we would continue to date longer (that is- if I weren't leaving the city).

"Well, if we continued to date, you certainly would make me a lot more interesting as a person!" he said. To me, that was such a weird thing to say. I mean, he told me that he is a really basic person. I make him more interesting? (That's true, but he didn't have to say it out loud. For the sake of legality, this is a joke.)

"Hypothetically, would you want to continue this relationship longer?" he asked me.

"Frankly, no. I mean, maybe I would maybe explore this for a couple more weeks, but ultimately I don't think we really have much in common. And even if I weren't going to leave, we're not really on the same page in a lot of things and our lifestyles are little too different."

I heard him try to argue against my opinion on this, but frankly it's not much of a discussion. We're just different people who happen to meet at an inopportune (or opportune) moment in our lives.

After spending the entire day with him, he dropped me off at the airport and helped me with my luggage. I actually wrote him a letter and discreetly hid it in the front seat of his car before saying goodbye. He was a little emotional and I was actually very touched. He was cute.

A list of observations and things I learned:

Every relationship is an opportunity to learn what you like, what you don’t like and how you want to be treated. While this “relationship” definitely didn’t work out, it did teach me what I wanted in a relationship, what I didn’t want, and how I wanted to be treated when I did officially have the girlfriend title. As you do with every kind of relationship, there’s so much you learn about yourself that you carry into your next relationship, that helps you evolve and grow and possibly change who you consider dating next.

I'm actually kind of glad I made a new friend. He was charming and good looking, what more can I ask for, ya kno?

[EDIT: oh wait he actually ghosted me lol. It's been more than a week since he saw my last message to him (frankly, it was a bit of a criticism to him, so I understand why he ignored me. completely on me. my bad...)]

[EDIT: He did not ghost me. He was just annoyed at me. In his defense, I think I was a been harsh and overly critical, but I'm not going to change my story at all. He's a good guy, in my opinion, but just not the right person for me]

~ de jure girlfriend,

<3 K