101. Living vicariously through my messy love life
My friends are either in stable relationships or married. I think I mentioned this in one of my posts. I'm kind of the odd one out- I haven't really found a mate at this time and dating isn't really a priority in my life (I'm not really seeking people out, but if the opportunity comes, I wouldn't outright reject it... unless the person is truly abhorrent). Honestly, I grew to enjoy the company of others and feel at ease talking and flirting with people again. I think there is a really big change in how I approach romance these days.
I update my friends constantly about my messy love life. They eat my stories up (and based on how my recent posts are going, I think the Bear community likes them too 😂). They always say that they're living vicariously through me and I am very appreciative of their support.
The last chapter of my silly romantic life left off on my doctor friend confessing to me in the back of a rideshare... an unskippable cut scene.. I was a little embarrassed at the time and was upset that he was telling people that we were dating and had kissed before. Our discussion after that day was okay for the most part, but I've been ignoring his messages or been answering him sporadically. I felt bad, but I think he should get the message. (As you can see, I have some issues of men telling their friends that I did something with them that I didn't do. If I did hook up with them, then I would be alright with it because they didn't lie at all. That's the truth...)
The other day, I actually met a British guy at the climbing gym. He's just a guy passing by, and I thought he needed company for the day. I helped him with some climbing route betas and then grabbed a shawarma lunch with him. We were caught in the rain and it was a little bit of a disappointing time. I told him, "all I really want is to sit down with a cold pint in front of me and just relax!" He just nodded... honestly, he wasn't a very exciting person to talk to. He had the personality of a piece of bread. But even sourdoughs are made from cultures.
He invited me to his hostel's pub crawl, which I was pretty excited about going. It seemed like a fun, not-so-typical way to spend the evening, and I didn't mind meeting new people. The British guy had to change his clothes because they were wet from the rain, so he left me on my own to socialize with people from his hostel... Actually, he left me on my own completely. It was a little sad to be ditched by your new friend that you spent the whole day with, but I just went to hang out with other people.
I had a very good time drinking with two German guys and a French guy. The four of us had large pints of beer outside. It was a very lovely time sitting and having a pint with European people. I asked where they were from and they talked briefly about their respective cities. I tried to joke with the French guy when he said that he was from Bordeaux.
"Bordeaux? C'est le territoire de la chocolatine !" (Bordeaux? That's the chocolatine territory!) I said. He confirmed this little fact and then went off on the pain au chocolat and chocolatine word debate in France.
I made a little comment that didn't make him laugh, "Quand j'irai à une boulangerie en France, je dirai : "Bonjour! Je voudrais un pain au chocolatine, s'il vous plaît!" (When I go to a bakery in France, I will say: Hi one pain au chocolatine please! - I thought it was a funny linguistic joke that makes fun of the regional "war" they have in France...). My French charisma was certainly not enough. He left the little group to talk to other people (he was immediately taken by the beauty of a Colombian girl nearby).
The two German guys were discussing the menu in German, and I was listening in to try to understand what they were saying. There were words thrown in like, "der Preis ist hoch..." (the price is high) and I laughed to myself. The guy from Münster stopped to look at me and said, "Oh wow, you know some German?", which I quickly gestured a "ein bisschen" (a little!) with my two fingers and smiled at him. He was a tall guy, who was actually traveling for a while! He said he quit his job and started his trip in Portugal and Spain, then transferred over to Vietnam and Singapore. I thought he was kind of cool.
I spent my evening dancing with a lot of fun people on the dance floor. I was under the assumption that this is a "pub crawl" but we ended up staying at one bar... Not a very active pub crawl, I guess. I danced with the man from Münster, he was a very friendly person and I think he enjoyed dancing with me as well.
We shared a kiss on the dance floor, but I got a bit embarrassed so I headed outside. I sat alone for a moment gathering my thoughts and he approached me, wondering if I was alright. We were both drunk so we kissed again at the table.
"Sorry," I said to him, "I really don't do this."
He smiled at me and said the exact same thing. The two other guys from our little group joined back in and I don't think they noticed us (I hope). Everyone was kind of sweaty from the humidity, dancing, and heat and a little hazy from the alcohol we've been consuming. The lovely man I've been sharing drunk, sweet, kisses with showed me his phone. He typed a short message:
"Let's go?" and I followed suit.
I led him to one of my favorite bars down the street. While we were walking, I was talking about how much I enjoyed this venue- they would have a local band playing around midnight on the weekends. When we got to the bar, there was no band to be seen. Instead, we sat down in the booth and continued our discussion and shared another kiss as the music rang loudly in our ears. It was around 2am and we decided to head back to the hostel.
It was a bit of an awkward arrangement. I think we wanted to continue the fun, but there was a "no guests after midnight" rule at the place. I didn't want to anger the staff, so I just sat in the lobby of the hostel and waited for my ride back home. I looked at the German guy again and saw him go back into his respective room. I sighed and was a bit disappointed. I thought it would be the end of our cute little love affair.
It was a very short drive from the party buzz and nightlife. I sent him a message after I returned back to my place. I didn't know he would be so keen to see me again. The problem is- I just moved into my studio and there were security guards all over the place. I was super hesitant to invite him over because:
- No furniture - I only have one mattress on the floor with blankets and two pillows, plus a hastily built IKEA shelf in my apartment.
- It was 3AM and we were both a little hazy from the alcohol we consumed. Not sure if our judgment is the best idea because-
- We barely knew each other... I knew his name and where he's from and that he played handball? That's about it...
Despite all of this, I thought that he was a kind person and I essentially had good vibes from all of this. I really wanted to see him again.
I told him the bring a swimsuit so that we could go swimming the next day. He got to my place right away, but he was a bit lost and I had to rescue him... I was surprised because he managed to fit his swimsuit inside of the pockets of his shorts. We shared another kiss. It was a very lovely time with him. He didn't even mind that I had my bed on the floor, even if I was a bit shy about the sleeping arrangements.
The next day, we had a lovely time sharing a toast and coffee light breakfast. We went into the street shops to buy him a toothbrush and a couple of snacks, before we headed back to my apartment to go swimming for a bit. It was a very nice day outside and the pool and jacuzzi felt refreshing after a night out at the pub.
In the afternoon, I asked if he wanted to go to a local pub crawl that my friend is hosting, instead of the hostel we went to. He agreed and said that he was happy to see me again.
In the evening, I had dinner with my friends at an Italian restaurant. We ordered such a tasty set of food. We nibbled on a bunch of bread and cheese, accompanied with an assortment of meats. The later dishes were: a meaty pizza, a squid ink risotto, a large rigatoni pasta, and a plate of sliced Wagyu beef. We had three bottles of wine and everyone was having a blast. I am always hesitant about eating at Italian restaurants in SE Asia, but it was one of the best Western meals I've had in a long time.
I chatted about the German guy I met the day before with my five friends. Everyone was snickering and joking about how our doctor friend might be heartbroken. He actually declined our invitation to dinner. I was a bit relieved that the doctor wasn't sitting right next to me during our mealtime. He was really infatuated with me, but I let him know I wasn't interested and that I was clear with my boundaries to him. I would eventually see him and maybe apologize for ignoring him, but me ignoring him and leaving on read needed to be done. Something sinister inside of me also wanted me to say, "Oh this is my new friend from Germany, Dr." whenever I got the chance to see him.
My five friends and I stumbled into the first bar, a little tipsy because of the glasses of wines we had during dinner time. People were playing billiards and socializing a bit. The host wanted to start out the night at the first bar with a bunch of drinking games with playing cards. My German friend showed up, along with two other people and we happily welcomed them into our small intimate gathering. We played a game called Pyramid (or Ride the Bus), which involved playing cards and numerous soju shots, and 21, which involved a lot of counting and remembering a lot of rules. I was nearly plastered because I think a lot of my friends were trying to get me even more toasty with alcohol.
The group of us walked to the second bar, which was down the street from the first bar. The drinking games had us all really buzzed with alcohol. I think a lot of us couldn't walk in a straight line. The second bar had a lot more billiards and a lot more cocktails. We took a bunch of photos of the group and had a cheerful time.
We all stumbled into to the third bar, and I took it easy with the shots. I wanted to walk tonight, not get carried home. I liked this bar the best, it was the same bar that had the live music with the band set-up in the middle of the venue. This time, the band was actually there and I enjoyed the rest of the night with the German guy, sitting right next to me. We sat at the table, caressed each other, and watched the band play classic rock music. The atmosphere was lively and wonderful. He stole a kiss from me and we ended up making out in front of the band while they performed.
I didn't know this at the time, but my doctor friend saw me together with this other guy and he was completely enraged (according to the mutual friends that was next to him as he witnessed me with another man). The voice memo I received the next day was filled with comments like:
"Oh... doctor was soooo pissed off, Kayla. It was hilarious to see. He totally deserved it because he's so over the top, dude... He was saying things like: why is she with him?! He's so ugly! I'm way hotter than him. I make more money than him. I can take care of her so much better. No one appreciates me! not one gets it... God it was so funny he was so mad!"
I couldn't help but laugh at the situation too. Doctor's currently in Dubai and will be spending time in New York, away from me for a while. I hope he heals.
The German guy and I left the bar earlier than I expected and we ambled into this pizza restaurant down the street.
"I haven't had pizza in a while... I think I need one." he says to me as we held on to each other, a little drunk from our night out. I politely agreed and we split a medium sausage pizza together.
When we got to my place, it was already 2AM. We spent the evening enjoying each other's company and talking a lot more than the previous night. He told me that the pub crawl with my friends was way better than the one that his hostel hosted. An 8 out of 10 apparently (he said that he always rates things). He also said that it is very fun spending time with me as well. I was flattered.
The next day, I dropped him off at the train station so he could go back to his place. He blurted out to me, "I extended my stay for two more days. I want to see you again."
I was so surprised because I thought that it was the last time I'll ever see him again. This is just a vacation fling right? Honestly, I didn't want to get so attached... but we made plans to see each other again the next day. I told him that he could bring his belongings from his hostel to store at my place. He was going to leave the next day anyway.
I spent the next day working and writing in a cafe. We had plans to meet up at around 3PM. I took a couple of minutes to write out an entire page of German words so I could impress him just a little bit. He said that he would try to remember a phrase in Japanese for me. My German is not the best, but what I lack in grammar structure and pronunciation, I make up with charm and vocabulary words (maybe more than the average American would probably remember hehe.)
Of course, he did the most un-German thing ever- he was late to our meet-up. He took the wrong train and got turned around. The poor guy was a little lost. I teased him and said that he was just adopting to the local culture. After a 30 minute delay, I found him outside of the train station. Suddenly, we were caught in the rain as we were going back to my place. We stayed in my apartment for a little bit, sipping on coffee and planning out our evening and morning plans.
I bashfully showed him the list of words I wrote out and he scanned the page intensely. I laughed so hard when he told me,
"Uh, Kyla- there is one error here. It's DAS Geld, nicht der Geld."
After the rain died down a bit, we set off to get to the botanical garden and walk around the city center. It was such a beautiful afternoon stroll. We sat in one of the bamboo houses and talked about life.
We walked nearly 10 km before getting back to the hustle and bustle of the city life, away from the peaceful botanical garden. We shared some barbecue and Japanese snacks and desserts together. It was such a lovely night. Even though I was a bit tired, I was totally pleased.
He had to leave for his flight the next day. I walked with him to get lunch and for him to get a bit of a mustache trim before taking a rest at my apartment. I think he was very happy to spend time with me. It was a very refreshing time with such a gentle and lovely person.
This "romance" was a lot shorter than my one-week long romance that I wrote about a month ago. It was a very fulfilling 5 days, jam-packed with romance, passion, and a very easy-going friendship. This was the ideal one-week romantic speedrun I actually wanted. I'd say that this person was a bit more pleasant and interesting compared to the last guy I "allegedly" dated. He even encouraged me to write about this experience (he didn't see any of my writing yet! But he was telling me that it would be nice if I wrote about this because I was telling him about this blog! :) )
I had such a great time with this man. We spent the last hour together laughing and telling each other we'll hopefully meet again (I hope!). It was very fantastic. It made me a bit sad to see him leave for the airport. Our eyes locked one last time before he had to descend down the escalator to the express train to the airport.
To be honest, I like this guy, but I don't want to hold him back with a relationship. I don't think I would want a relationship right now either. I just want him to know that I think he is super great and I enjoy spending time with him. I think we both like each other, but the situation is a little tricky and I don't think I'm in a comfortable place to have a long-term commitment like a long-distance boyfriend, especially after spending only 5 days with someone I just met. Also, he is solo-traveling the world. He should live his life and his journey. He shouldn't have any attachments either.
That experience was very lovely. I was overly happy when he said that spending time with me was the highlight of his trip so far. To me, he was such a soft and delightful person. I wish him all the best and for more adventures coming his way.
~ a hopeless romantic,
<3 K