135. "You have a face that I can tell anything to"
I have been thoroughly inspired by Moqueca's adventures of the tinder date recaps lately. I think I will format this post just like that, actually. I really admire the constant updates and details that she puts into her blog, so I dedicate this post to Moqueca.
Ever since I dropped my last post, I was inspired by a lover's words of: "If the opportunity comes by, I wouldn't deny it." Even though I'm fueled by spite, I'm having a great time, in fact. I usually meet my lovers out in the wild, but I decided to take a chance on these dating apps, once again, just to put myself out there.
I've been using tinder in a very superficial way. I know it is completely vain and incredibly shallow of me to say, but if I'm not attracted to them by the first impression, I throw them away. It seems like I have the need to maximize my time and effort; therefore, I have to be a little bit more shallow these days. I do not like modern dating as a "gamification" from these dating apps, like some kind of showboating hot people PowerPoint deck. I just accepted that having fun like this hurts no one. I'm young, I'm just enjoying my time. I've been burned way too many times so I've let go of a lot of expectations. Frankly, I think an experiment in vulnerability is actually pretty good for me.
However, I believe it's such a big mistake on my part for not "filtering" out these contenders at the very start, but I go on the in-person date with them anyway and try not to waste their time. I always think that I'm pretty good at self-preservation and that I walk really fast, so I didn't think too much of it when I ask them their availability for the week within the first 10 messages. Although I am very concerned about my safety, I figured that I'm in a public place, my friends know where I'm at (I share my location and I tell them what I'm wearing and the name of my date), and that I know how to run really really fast.
I think that I enjoy one-on-one conversations with people and getting to know them, way better than finding this all out in a party or club setting. I would much prefer a simple dinner and a pint at the pub, laughing and engaging in conversations about life and everything around us. Whether the conversation would be the current environment we are in, observations on the atmosphere, the people around us, or intimate details about our past lives or hopeful ambitions, I really think it's cool to talk to another person and get to know them like that.
I went on a date with a man from Northern Africa. I do not want to specify which country he's from, because he told me so many concerning things while on this date. Albeit they were hilariously insane, I don't think I want to get him or anyone else in trouble. Therefore, the specifics are going to be a little bit vague...
I arrived at the train station at 8PM to meet him because I asked him to go to me, instead of me going to him. I'm a just a lady and I think I should stop chasing... I'm in a good area with lots of food options available and a giant train station that can access any line, so I think that him coming to me is the best idea.
My date was late for about 25 minutes. I waited for him right in front of the exit, and he walked right past me because he didn't see me. I messaged him again and he apologized profusely. When I saw him, I was pretty relieved, because I was rather hungry.
--
Lead Up:
Him: "Hello how are you doing? You look beautiful!" and we exchanged a few messages.
This man asked for my WhatsApp contact right away, which I don't really mind. I would rather contact people through another means of communication as well. He ended our conversation on the app with a "Alright, i see you there then, i hate this tinder" which was actually quite relieving. I don't like typing on dating apps at all.
We agreed to meet up for dinner at a Thai restaurant. He was in such a hurry, that he totally missed me the first time I saw him. This guy told me he was 191 cm and that he likes to go to the gym. I think he's good-looking, but in-person, I don't think he's my kind of good-looking. It's a little bit awkward meeting someone you don't really know, especially on a dating app, but I think I tried to stray away from things like that and just say some observations and other simple things like: "Oh, it's such a big train station I think it's rather convenient!" to make him feel at ease.
Photos:
- Shirtless, with blue swim trunks with outlines of white rabbits on them. He's standing outside. There are black rocks (I believe the outcrop is gabbro, he's near somewhere volcanic and tropical) and a waterfall right next to him.
- Black polo shirt with sunglasses, leaning on a fence
- Him tipping his straw hat, black tank top, blue shorts with the white rabbits again, sunglasses.
- Silhouette of him at the beach during sunset. Nice reflection on the tide pools. Really well-done photograph composition-wise.
I didn't see his eyes until I saw him in person. He's tall, conventionally-attractive, and fit. However, when I saw him in person, I wasn't very attracted. That's just me.
Venue:
We didn't go for Thai, we went for a South Indian restaurant instead. I thought that it was a good idea, because I haven't had Indian food for a while. After we ate dinner, we took a walk and then went to one of my favorite speakeasies right in the heart of Chinatown. The speakeasy has such a great atmosphere. It always feels like an "In the Mood for Love" vibe.
Cuisine:
My meal: Banana leaf meal- white rice served with three different types of vegetables (cabbage stir fry, potato pumpkin, crispy snake-gourd fry). A free flow of 4 types of curry and comes with a side of chicken masala. Served along with papadam, pickle, sour curd chili. I also had a ice lemon tea.
His meal: Chicken briyani served on a banana leaf with boiled egg, papadam, gravy, and a raita.
We also shared a roti boom with curry. It was great.
After dinner, we went to the bar and ordered 2 pilsners. Tasty craft beer.
Conversation:
I let this man talk a lot. I'm a better listener than speaker anyway. He said some outrageous things that I find so hilarious. I laughed so hard throughout the entire date because he said such unhinged things over the course of the entire evening. Here's are some notable quotes:
- "I was in the army for 5 months. They put me in the middle of the desert with a gun and my commander said that I must shoot anyone that crosses here... I haven't killed anyone... yet" (My reaction: 🤔)
- "My father has two wives. The other wife was being very disrespectful to my mother, so we kidnapped her son. Yeah, my half-brother was so young, so we just gave him a Playstation and hid him in the basement. It was okay because my father knew the whole time and laughed. She was looking for her son for 3 days. You see, don't disrespect my mama."
- "I kidnapped another guy, but this guy was pretty bad. So my sister is very beautiful, so she got many boys following her home from school. One kid decided to stalk her and then tried to force himself on her. My brother and I were so sick and disgusted about this, so we actually kidnapped him."
- "Kayla, you seem so smart. I think you should go into hacking. You see, I was a very top hacker back when I was a teenager. I got suspended 4 times and my father disowned me. Hehe."
- "Before I came here, I lost $200,000 US dollars... Yeah. But I kinda want to buy a condo around the area."
- “My dad has two wives. My grandfather had 3 wives… yeah I have 12 aunts.”
- “I must smoke because my job is very stressful. I have a bit of anger problems, but smoking eases me.” (I didn’t have a problem with this)
- “I live in a very small room at shared apartment. The back of my closet has a hole in it because I was so anger this one time… I had to pay 500RM for the management to fix it again. Oops 😅 “ (I was super concerned about this)
- “My brother has killed a lot of people, man…”
- "Oh yeah, I was engaged once... she passed away.” (She was sick. I didn’t ask any more detail.)
Every single thing he uttered was incredibly insane. I could not believe it. I was so shocked the entire night. Despite the giant glaring red flags and weird insane remarks, I had such a great time listening to this. I didn't think he was bs-ing. He has incredible comedic timing and delivery.
First Impressions/Random Thoughts:
He told me that it's interesting that I am American. He said that he wouldn't clock me as American if he just saw me walking down the street. I just don't have to open my mouth and I could blend in anywhere.
He was also very impressed by my language skills. To be honest, I'm a bit rusty and I'm too shy. Although, I taught him some of the basics. We had a bit of a language exchange, which I always enjoy.
I learned how are you in Arabic: (kayf haluk)
كيف حالك؟
Honestly, I do not want to be romantically entangled by this man, but I would like to be his friend. He can protect me and probably kill someone for me... if it were actually necessary.
Overall Experience:
Very respectful and honest Arabic man. He had many racist jokes and weird stories, but I think it was fine... for now. I didn't feel totally uncomfortable, in fact, I felt like I was entertained the entire night. He would talk a lot about his exes often. He also had weird remarks for every nationality and every place he visited, but I genuinely think his attitude comes from a place of authentic curiosity, not vapid hate.
He flattered me the entire night. He would call me beautiful and compliment me often. He also told me that it was very cute that I spoke Japanese with a good accent. He said that I shouldn't have to lift a finger and that he paid for the date and had a wonderful time with me.
Next Steps:
If he asks me out again, I'll go for it, but I’m so not interested in being romantically involved with him. I think that I have to clarify this fact to him at some point... I will do that later if he is more into me than I am into him.
To be honest, I think he just wanted someone to have a good conversation with and I provided just that. He told me, "you have a face that I can tell anything to." a comment which I feel very touched, but I simply think it's just a bit of over-flattery. I actually think that he didn't mean that comment in a romantic way, I think he really feels like I paid attention to his stories.
He told a lot about himself and he said that he felt a little bit ashamed by the fact he talked on and on, but I reassured him that I had a good time listening to him. He kept a respectable distance from me and we hugged goodbye at the very end.
It was a very successful date. I think we'd just be wonderful friends. Do not mess with me because I have an Arabic man that could kidnap someone at the drop of a hat in my phone contacts now. Hehe.
~ a serial first dater,
<3 K