112. Unveiling delusions: a disturbing encounter with a "friend" and a fan-edit of me
I went out with my friends the other night and I caught wind of some special video that an acquaintance of mine made that featured me. When I heard about this at first, I was a little bit confused about what my friend was going on about.
"Remember that video that [redacted] made of you?" she was laughing while she was asking me something that I have never heard of before she told me.
”What video are you talking about? Did you send me a meme or something?” I looked at her rather confused and asked her what exactly was she referring to. Her face twisted in such a horrified expression. My eyebrows were raised as I grappled with the unfamiliar notion.
”Oh my god, I thought you knew?” What the hell is she going on about?
Our doctor "friend" (who thought we were dating) made an 18-second long video of me (without my consent) with Never Forget You by Noisettes playing in the background. The caption said: "to the girl that I've known for a week... she changed me <3". With an uncomfortable blend of anticipation and dread, I reluctantly watched the video.
During this 18 second montage, pictures of me and him flickered on the screen- about four photos that showed the two of us smiling, but the rest of the video showed photos of just me- either me posing alone, or of me not really looking at the camera at all. This guy took photos while I wasn't even paying attention. Then the last frame was of him, smiling like such a doofus, holding his heart. It was so weird.
Moments, captured without my consent, a visual narrative woven from stolen snapshots. God, I wish I could publish it here, but I really wouldn't want strangers to look at this, especially on my blog. (Showing friends are fine. I already showed a bunch of them this video. God, It’s so cringey...)
I could not watch it in its entirety the first time because I was a little bit in shock. Now I understand the delusion. Perhaps I was being too nice to him. A lot of people see this as a character flaw of mine, but I find it odd that I have to tone down my sunniness to brace myself for the bad apples. In my opinion, I think I'm just being me and that I have to adjust the boundaries set so that he can't abuse my friendliness any further. This guy went way too far.
I cringed so much when I rewatched it again. Doctor and I took a lot of photos together. I thought we were friends- I invited him out to eat, had coffee with him, went to the bars, and thought he has been pretty normal in all of our one-on-one hangouts (before he started telling people that we're dating). In the video, some of the footage were photos of me not even paying attention. This guy took really uncomfortable and unflattering photos of me, and I was completely unaware that a camera was snapping photos. I was a little bit scared and in a state of shock at the time of this discovery.
When I got home that night, I cried myself to sleep.
All of our mutual friends were already really ticked off by his weird behavior, but they were pissed off about things unrelated to me. I had heard some stories about how he would force girls to share a rideshare with him because he "ran out of battery on his phone" (This is happened to me a couple times, but I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt). Another time, he accused a girl of stealing his Apple Watch, only for her to promptly return it through a friend. The twist, however, was that he deliberately went to a 7/11, talked to the clerk, and left his watch at the convenient store. Then after, he purchased a new watch.
This time, his little web of consecutive lies resulted in everyone losing all respect for him. He had told everyone that he needed to go to NYC for a work thing, but I think he lied about it. In fact, everyone thought he lied about this special visit to NY. The timeline of events seemed way too short.
Funnily enough, during the week that he was “out of town,” he was spotted hanging out at the bars. A group of pals were at our friend’s bar, located on the second floor of the bar that our "friend" was already hanging out at. The view out the window was overlooking the rest of the road where all the other bars and restaurants were. The group was looking out the window, probably admiring the nightlife and the partygoers on the street, but someone familiar caught their eyes- our doctor "friend".
my artist rendition of the whole thing because I don't want to share the actual photo lol
My friend did the smart thing and documented this, otherwise it's her word against his. She actually took a photo of him drinking, standing, and talking with a friend at a table outside of the bar. The rest of the group was just staring and laughing at him. He didn't even look up. It was actually kind of hilarious to see him lie through his teeth like that. She shared the incriminating photo with me and I was delighted. The evidence was shared, and it brought a mix of disbelief and amusement. The group watched, drinking and chuckling, as he lied about being out of town.
Pathetic.
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On the same week that our doctor "friend" supposedly jetted off to New York City, I sat out on the pub crawl activities that Saturday night. During that night, our doctor friend actually went to a currency exchange shop to get a bunch of US bills. According to some friends that went out that night, he was armed with a stash of bills and he shamelessly threw money into the air. He bragged about how much fun he had while he was in New York City for "a couple of days". My friends received $120 USD in physical dollar bills, leaving them in stitches over the audacity of his charade. I just couldn’t believe it.
--
I went out the following weekend, I decided maybe the best course of action was to try to talk to him, in-person, in a public area, with my friends on standby, a safety net against potential erratic reactions. Maybe I could talk some sense and ask him if he knew if there's anything going on with him. This is just some weird creepy behavior... I knew that he wouldn’t change if he goes around town with his creepy little actions unchecked like that. I had to say something?
Then my friend added an unexpected layer to the unfolding drama and showed me a text that she received from him.
”Is my enemy going to be there?”
My friend said, “I think he’s talking about you.”
Man is just peeved off that I rejected him. Damn, screw this guy.
Anyway, I didn't get far with my intervention. This was basically our conversation:
"You're acting a little weird lately, are you doing alright?"
"I really haven't been ok. I'm not feeling myself. I have so much going on. I don't have to prove anything to you by the way. You're being weird. I have nothing to prove."
"Uh... I think maybe you're being a little defensive right now?"
"What wrong with you?"
I was a little bit startled. Then I walked away to join my friends. He WhatsApp's me throughout the night and bombarded me with so many messages. I had to respond so he could stop. Some messages went like:
"I wasn't ignoring you!" (The guy was ignoring some of my past messages before)
"And I don't need your attention or anything" (this was a message that got promptly deleted, but I replied to it quickly so it's saved in the message history...)
"I'm having anger issues recently."
Then, I blocked him and deleted him off of my social media apps. It was such a relief, but residue of that whole ordeal lingered on like a noxious cloud. God, what an awful time. I looked back at the video again. I cringed for the first 10 times I watched it with other people.
I think sharing this story with a bunch of friends and not letting myself be alone in this situation is what lets me cope. It bothered me so much that I cried. Now, I laugh at it whenever I show someone. The delusion is INSANE.
The whole thing is so bizarre, like a wild story we can't believe happened.
~ bulletproof boundaries... i think?
<3 K