74. On unsolicited advice
I really enjoyed Vova's post, Embrace Our Own Flaws to Better Understand Others. It inspired me to write about this.
Unsolicited advice occurs when someone offers their thoughts, suggestions, or opinions on a topic without being asked for them. While it often comes from a place of good intentions, it can sometimes lead to frustration and misunderstanding. It's important to acknowledge that most of the time, it originates from a place of genuine concern or a desire to be helpful. People who offer unsolicited advice (usually parents or mentors or concerned friends) usually believe they have valuable insights or knowledge that can benefit others, based on their own experiences, expertise, or a simple desire to make a positive impact on that person's life.
There have been many times I have been the unsolicited advisor and it really irks me. I've been kind of conscious about it and haven't really dished out advice unless someone directly asks for it. I think that many people don't really want advice, they just want someone to listen to their thoughts about a situation. They just want a receptive and well-intentioned friend who doesn't give them any harsh judgment.
Although, what I do think most people need is someone to hear them out, but also call out some of the wrongdoings in their narrative. For example, if something really doesn't sit well with you, it certainly isn't good to keep quiet while a friend (for example) tells you that they're cheating on their boyfriend.
I set these lists for myself mostly, but this is what I would say-
Unsolicited advice about handling unsolicited advice gracefully:
- Reflect on intentions: as the recipient of unsolicited advice, try to assume positive intentions. Recognize that the person who is offering advice to you most likely cares about your well-being or wants to share their knowledge.
- Respond with grace: instead of reacting defensively, respond politely by thanking the person for their input, even if you don't plan to follow their advice...
- Set boundaries: if unsolicited advice becomes a recurring issue with someone, just boundaries by politely let them know that you prefer to make your own decisions in certain areas of your life. (say it politely, firm)
- Choose Your battles: not all unsolicited advice requires a response.
- Seek understanding: if you're the one offering unsolicited advice, take a moment to ask the other person if they'd like to hear your thoughts. This simple act of seeking consent can make a world of difference.
~ an unsolicited advisor,
<3 K