64. Accept your shadow self
Dear me (or anyone else who wants to hear this),
It's a frustrating process to confront yourself and why you think those negative things that you do. Maybe it's the fact that I've been binge-playing Persona 4 and putting it into perspective... (I forced myself to take a break after completing Rise's dungeon after a consecutive 27 hours of gaming, I wasn't getting any stuff done and I needed to snap back to actual reality. Also, please do not spoil me. I want to enjoy the game for myself and reach the ending. So far, I think the detective's partner is SUS. That's all I have so far.)
The major theme of Persona 4 is self-acceptance and truth. You have to confront your "Shadow" self, but the Shadow is something far more complicated than "negative thoughts". You encounter your Shadow, a clone of you who spews all these bad thoughts that you have. Essentially, you're looking at a mirror of yourself saying all these hurtful and terrible things about you, the others around you, and life in general. The bad thing is, you refuse to accept yourself because you don't want to be seen like this. It's humiliating, it's awful. You're not like this at all. That's not the face you want to say to your friends and family and everyone around you.
This is Chie's Shadow fight from Persona 4 Golden
Unfortunately, in the real world, this Shadow falls through the cracks. Bits of your bad side show to the outside world because you're overwhelmed, you're panicked, you're feeling bad already, but you don't know how to control it. A shadow by definition is something the person is unaware of and unwilling to accept, at least at first. It's literally the side of you that your mind is repressing. It becomes a monster. You become a monster.
This Shadow self is a tangible object in Persona 4. Whereas, in reality, the Shadow is literally a "blackbox" of your psyche. By blackbox, I mean that the Shadow is a part of the self that you are aware that exists and you are aware that it represents something that you hate, refuse to believe, but you don't know with details what is inside said box. Not only does the Shadow lie in the unconscious, but also, it is something, by its own definition, that you can't accept.
Now speaking for myself, I would totally be in denial. It would be so hard to accept this part of myself from the get-go. But this is a part of me. I have to accept it regardless.
Whatever the thing that is causing you stress, whatever the issue is- do not minimize your own feelings. Other people already do that for you. There are bad things you that think of, and there are good things that you think of- it's completely human.
“Your emotions make you human. Even the unpleasant ones have a purpose. Don’t lock them away. If you ignore them, they just get louder and angrier.” ~Sabaa Tahir, A Torch Against the Night
People will call you an "attention seeker".
People will tell you to "move on" or "get over it".
People will tell you that other people had it worse.
People will tell you that other people have achieved greater.
Enough people are trying to keep you down. We minimize ourselves even without noticing it sometimes. Maybe we do it because we are scared of how people will react, or maybe it’s because society has taught us that mental health isn't as important as we think it is. We are human and we have feelings, so don’t downplay your emotions to try and give in to someone else’s beliefs. Things get hard, but we have to fight.
Reminder to please take care of yourself and eat something delicious and drink a cup of water.
~ keeping your head high,
<3 K