40. [OOMFH] Writing: 40 days and 40 nights
I broke my writing streak. I'm not even mad about it. It's fine. I think it's good to break streaks. No one can be perfect. I told myself not to beat myself up over it. Although, it's crazy symbolic when I did that though. I was amazed about myself. 40 days of writing?! That's how long Jesus fasted in that desert omg. According to Biblical scholars,
The period of Forty Days is biblical in essence, for this is where it comes from, and this is why it is observed. As far as explaining the meaning of it, I prefer to use the following definition: “A period of Forty Days signifies the completion in the realization of an event.” ...When something, specifically an event, is practiced and remembered for 40 days, it makes it real and present in our daily lives. It becomes sealed in our works and etched in our memory...
I know deep down that I have to get better with myself. Intuitively, deep down, you do what you need to do to feel your best, even if it’s taken you some time to be more present with yourself and understand what it is that makes you feel good and what doesn’t. When you start to tune in to your habits, you’ll notice what sets your day up for success.
Those "habit" streaks have a powerful hold over us - whether it's the Duolingo owl glaring at you through your screen and nagging you to practice your language learning, your friends harping you on maintaining your 'snapchat' streak (I don't have snapchat anymore, I deleted it over 7 years ago.), or simply just writing on this blog.
Okay- Why does breaking a streak feel so awful though? Getting into "habit streaks" is a great way to build discipline. We’re told over and over about the importance of creating healthy habits - you don’t need me to remind you yet again (or that green polyglot owl!).
But honestly, to me, streaks seem insidious in nature. Take for example, Duolingo- What may start as a genuine desire to learn a foreign language, becomes more valuable over time, such that you have more and more to lose as you’re ostensibly making "gains" (in your language learning, I guess. It is true that I learn new vocabulary every day, but am I really remembering?). When you become more concerned with a perceived loss than the streak’s benefits, that’s when you run into problems. When I open up my French Duolingo, I don't really think of my (currently now 123 days!) streak as a progress of my French learning... I'm still learning! I'm trying to gain more confidence in speaking. I have a better handle in reading and writing, but I have a difficult time listening and being present in conversation (because I'm constantly trying to translate in my head!). I really haven't immersed myself truly to really get a gauge on my français (I think should).
The issue is that these streaks tip into negative territory when they inspire obsessions. A streak that gets you to take 10,000 steps every day or 300 days of Duolingo is good until you have a stress injury, or have a full day of traveling and you're too tired, and push through it because you don’t want to abandon the streak. As a former athlete, I know that feeling...
My friends were a little disappointed that I haven't written in a couple days actually! (They were a bit worried, but honestly I'm just tired and going through it. It's okay though! Honestly like previous post was super... cryptic I don't blame them. I'm so sorry everyone :0) I'm actually quite touched. You all really like my writing and that makes me feel really grateful for your support. Although, I'm caught between two schools of thought: does distance does make the heart grow fonder or out of sight, out of mind? Hah. Either way, I just.... need a break, man. Life is exhausting. I was really happy about my writing streak. I'm going to keep going and going!
Streaks are literally... just morally neutral. Those rewards we accumulate from the streaks themselves tend to be pretty psychological. Like, my relationship with the Duolingo owl, for instance, is entirely in my own head. The Duolingo owl is not going to hurt me lol. Also, working out regularly is good for you, but so is resting; it’s not a streak’s everydayness, necessarily, that makes it worthy. It's that habit-upkeep.
Taking a break is feel great. Truth be told, without streaks, I suspect I’d have called it a day with the blog a long time ago.
~ vay-kay-tion girlie,
<3 K